Welcome to my November newsletter. I hope it finds you all doing well; and if it doesn’t find you as well as you’d like to be, read on, I have an amazing announcement for each and every one of you.
Days and nights getting chillier up here in the Northern Hemisphere and for those of you down under, days getting longer and warmer, and nights getting shorter.
I’ve decided to include an article here that I’ve used before, but it is something that we all need to be reminded of every now and then. It is entitled “Victimhood”. Victimhood isn’t a word you’ll find in any dictionary. At least not any that I’ve come across, but it is a word that I use frequently with my clients and a condition that just seems to be running rampant in our world today.
Linda Simmon C.Ht.
By Linda Simmon
Why do we so frequently choose to beat ourselves up over things that we’ve done in the past, but worse than that; we choose to beat ourselves up over things that are done to us by people we bring into our lives and sometimes the people we should be able to trust the most?
Sometimes it seems that we have a desire or a need to make ourselves a victim. Most things or events aren’t intrinsically “right” or “wrong”, we assign those designations to them based on our own perceptions or the perceptions of others; our family, friends, church and society. What you might think is wrong, I might find perfectly acceptable and vice versa.
In a culture that believes in polygamy, there is nothing wrong with having more than one husband or wife and yet most of us would be outraged if our spouse suggested another mate. Our perception of what a relationship should be makes this wrong. Is it wrong? Is it right? Who knows, if it is right for you, if it is what you believe, then your perception makes it right. However, if the person you are proposing this to believes something entirely different, then you’ve got a problem. Does that make one of you right and one of you wrong? Depends on your perception! Certainly, it can be hurtful for the person who believes it to be wrong.
And it does demonstrate the importance of communication. I understand that the above example is a bit extreme, but in any relationship it is crucial to communicate with each other, to clarify what each of you expects in the relationship or from the other person. Figure it out early, are you really meant to be together, can differences be resolved and can you move forward with each other. It is so much better to find out in the first few months of a relationship, rather than after several years. After one of you ends up feeling like a victim.
But Victimhood isn’t just about relationships.
Let’s say something unpleasant happens to you. Something very nasty and unpleasant. Perhaps you are abused, mugged or even raped. You might get angry, you will certainly feel violated, but so often the victim feels that somehow it was their own fault. That somehow they brought this on themselves!!! And why is it that so many of us embrace that thought and that feeling. We grab it and cling to it like a life raft.
I want each of you to consider something. Have you made the decision that you are a victim? Think about that because that decision will affect your entire future. Have you fallen prey to Victimhood?
Oh, initially you might say NO! I have not decided that. But just take a moment now and really think about it.
There are certain advantages to choosing Victimhood as a way of life. Perhaps the most alluring is that if you are perceived as a victim, you do not ever have to take responsibility for anything in your life. Nothing is your fault because you are a victim. This can be directly related to the epidemic of addiction that the world seems to be suffering from, and society actually encourages this thought. Here in the U.S. 12-step programs run rampant and they almost seem to have taken the place of social clubs as a means of meeting people. You can find a 12-step program for any addiction you can possibly think of. And what is the underlying message in virtually all 12-step programs? “That you are powerless in the face of your addiction.”
But, isn’t there something wrong with a world that encourages us to think of ourselves as victims, as powerless? Isn’t it time to stop? I think it is time to acknowledge your power, to take back control of your life and to create the life you want and to experience all the fun, happiness and joy available to each of us.
So now, if we look at what being a victim really means to the person who has embraced Victimhood, it means you are not responsible for anything. It’s not my fault I cheated on my wife, it’s because I’m in a bad relationship and it’s not my fault I’m in a bad relationship, my parents had a horrible marriage so what could you expect, it’s not my fault! It’s not my fault I can’t commit to another person, my mother didn’t understand me. It’s not my fault I use drugs or drink too much, I had a horrible childhood and my wife (or husband) cheated on me. It’s not my fault I can’t keep a job, my father was never there to teach me or guide me, my mother didn’t give me enough love, my wife doesn’t understand me, my husband ignores me, my kids don’t show me any respect, my friends don’t understand me, etc., etc., etc. A victim can always blame anything on outside circumstances.
And, if you do this often enough it becomes a way of life. A rather sad, unfulfilled and unhappy way of life. It becomes VICTIMHOOD!
Believe me, I do understand how it feels and how it works because I took a little trip to Victimhood myself for a period of time. It wasn't fun, although I have to admit that it was a bit addictive. Life, however, is so much sweeter when you take responsibility for your actions, for what you do and what you say. When you can acknowledge how strong you really are, you can take back control and rediscover who you are. You had to be strong. You had to be amazing to live through all that crap that made you feel like a victim in the first place and to keep on going.
The child who survives abuse is amazingly self-reliant and strong. The woman who has come out of a nasty, bad relationship and can keep on going, is powerful beyond belief. The man who came from a loveless home and can continue to search for the right relationship and woman to love is strong and sensitive with a big, beautiful heart and so much love to give. And there are hundred and thousands of stories just like those that show us, each of us, just how powerful we are or could be if we are willing to accept that power and that strength.
If we can just accept that fact, we can move beyond the Victimhood mentality. Choosing Victimhood means choosing not to be happy. It means choosing to be constantly dissatisfied with the things around us and with our lives.
One of the underlying motivations for Victimhood is fear. All too often we let this fear get the better of us. We waste precious days and years getting so caught up in our worry and fear and Victimhood that we hardly think of anything else. If we take back control, eventually, the clouds will clear and we can see how silly we have been. We will see that our most valuable possession is not life; it is the ability to enjoy life. If that is taken away from us - or if we inadvertently cut ourselves off from it with Victimhood, we lose everything.
Conscious awareness of this process is the first step to taking back control and living the life you were meant to live.
Linda Simmon, C.Ht.
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Enjoy These 3 Comfort Foods for Your
Eating better-for-your-blood-sugar meals doesn't mean saying bye-bye to creamy, hearty, fatty comfort foods. Here are three blood sugar winners. We're talking pasta, peanut butter, and fries. Sound too good to be true? Not if you pick the right kinds.
True, any old plate of pasta probably won't do your blood sugar any favors. Ditto on the fries. But we've cooked up a couple ways of making comfort-food favorites okay for your blood sugar. So try putting our healthy and delicious twists on three typically naughty foods:
Pasta. The key to indulging in pasta and keeping blood sugar steady is to choose whole-wheat varieties. They raise your blood sugar much more slowly than refined-grain pastas. More important, whole-wheat pastas and other whole grains are a good source of magnesium. Recent research linked a 100-milligram increase in daily magnesium intake to lower diabetes risk. Half a cup of whole-wheat pasta has about 20 milligrams.
Creamy Peanut Butter. Nuts are members of the good fats family and a recent study revealed that peanut butter eaters averaging about 5 tablespoons a week may have a 21 percent lower risk of diabetes. All thanks to PB's healthy unsaturated fats that help stabilize blood sugar and improve insulin sensitivity. And it contains magnesium, too.
Fries. Just trade the white potatoes for a more blood-sugar-friendly starch like sweet potatoes. They have a lower glycemic index than white spuds, making them easier on your blood sugar. And, according to John La Puma, MD, author of ChefMD's Big Book of Culinary Medicine, nutrients in sweet potatoes may also help fight insulin resistance.
- Use This Spice to Curb Holiday Snack Attacks
Has the end-of-year parade of goodies started at your home or office? Make them easier to resist by cooking with this flavorful herb: saffron. In a recent study, a compound in saffron appeared to help overweight women snack about 50 percent less. What better time than now to start nixing the munchies?
In the study, some of the overweight women got their saffron from capsules. The others took placebos. And after 8 weeks, the women in the saffron group were snacking half as much as they did at the start of the study. They also felt less hungry before meals. Some even lost a couple of pounds.
What's the secret behind saffron's snack-snuffing powers? Researchers suspect that compounds in the herb may alter levels of stress-boosting brain chemicals and help decrease anxiety and depression. And that's good news for your waistline because anxiety, stress, and depression are all common triggers for unhealthy eating. Stress triggers cravings for not-so-good-for-you foods, like treats that are high in fat and sugar. And many people calm anxiety or assuage depression with munching, too -- seeking that temporary sense of "Ahhhhh."
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