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My daughter loves used book stores. Truth be told, so do I, but not as much as she does. Anyway, while we were in one recently, I came across a great book, very small, but very incitement. Your quotes this month are all from that book. Enjoy.
The following quotes are from an interesting and relatively amazing man by the name of Fred Rogers’ more commonly known as Mister Rogers.
“Discovering the truth about ourselves in a lifetime’s work, but it’s worth the effort.”
“Who you are inside is what
helps you make and do
everything in life.”
“There’s no ‘should’ or ‘should not’ when it comes to having feelings. They’re part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings.”
“Solitude is different from loneliness, and it doesn’t have to be a lonely kind of thing.”
“Understanding love is one of the hardest things in the world.”
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person
exactly the way he or she is,
right here and now.”
“Love and trust, in the space between what’s said what’s heard in our life, can make all the difference in this world.”
“Listening is where love begins: listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors.”
“Development comes from within. Nature does not hurry but advances slowly.”
“The world needs a sense of
worth, and it will achieve it
only by its people feeling
that they are worthwhile.”
Those who know me know that I dislike Valentine’s Day. It’s not that I dislike romance or don’t believe in love, but rather it is the fact that for the sake of greed, merchants and Corporate America have managed to set us up for disappointment, disillusionment and self doubt. What man can possibly do enough to prove his love? Oh wait a minute, I know he can spend $$$ on diamonds, candy, flowers, stuffed animals, baked goods, maybe even a new car!
The truth is that I do, very much, believe in love at first sight and one that can last forever and I’ll tell you why. Once upon a time there was a young man (well, not too young) from Spain who was living in New York. He had definitely sowed his wild oats, traveled throughout Europe and had made the decision that he thought he’d like to stay a bachelor forever. He’d just never found a woman whom he felt he could live with for the rest of his life. And he was pretty happy with that decision.
Then one evening he was with some friends and he went to the movies. Before the lights went down he saw a young woman several rows up and he fell in love. He’d never seen her before and that was sort of odd because it was a small town and he wondered about that, but it didn’t matter. He pointed her out to his friends and said “Who is that” and they said you should know her, that’s Steve’s daughter (Steve was someone he worked with occasionally). Anyway, he said “Well, you guys, that’s who I’m going to marry.” He did, within the year and they loved each their whole lives.
Mom and Dad, I still miss you both each and every day, but thank you for teaching me that there really is love at first sight, true love and it isn’t about how much money someone spends on you, it’s about how much you respect and like each other.
Love, Jealousy and Relationships
By Linda Simmon, C.Ht.
Relationships, love and in particular jealousy, presents each of us with an
opportunity to better understand ourselves. Jealousy is most often the result of attachment and expectations, beliefs, projections, delusions, envy, guilt and low of self-esteem.
What do you do when you're jealous? You may try to find out if your lover has been with someone else. If he or she has, you might go into a rage. It is a fairly common and immediate response. You are angry. You feel violated. You want revenge. You want to stop what is happening, control the situation, and manipulate whatever you can to protect yourself.
If you can cool down, if you can control this internal, knee jerk reaction that accompanies jealousy, you just might discover that you have a more positive alternative. Often, what feels like jealousy really is a lack of communication. When we leave our needs unspoken, they can lie in wait like a crouching tiger until someone, something or some event exposes them. It is essential to communicate very clearly and explicitly with your partner about your needs and expectations.
A good first step is to clarify to yourself and your partner what you want in the relationship.
How each of you perceives the relationship will affect it from the very beginning. If you both want to create a safe and secure relationship, there is the risk that you may both tend to conceal anything that might rock the boat. Many couples gradually smother themselves in compromises, unexpressed needs and desires, and lack of open and free communication all because they think they are protecting the relationship. Positive Love energy cannot survive in this type of suffocating environment and any eroticism that the relationship may have had will gradually be destroyed.
It is also important to understand the distinct difference between loving and being attached. It is an important distinction because so frequently what we call love is really attachment.
Loving someone means loving the uniqueness of that person. Attachment is something quite different. You can love your partner and want to see them thrive, enjoy, and grow. You want to see them become more of who they are, no matter what that entails. That's the truth of love. It is what some might call unconditional love. On the other hand, you may want to make your partner conform to a preconceived idea of what you think they should be or perhaps to what is convenient or comfortable for you. That is Attachment. This is a distinction that needs to be understood before you can understand your relationship or what needs to be done.
If your relationship is based on Attachment, you will quickly discover and experience the pain of jealousy. When strong emotions rise, it is an indication that the subconscious has recognized an opportunity to resolve an issue. What you focus on, what you think, is what you get. Our life, our surroundings and the people around us mirror what is going on inside us. If you are angry, you will find yourself living in an angry world. You will see the anger in all the people around you and you will feel it. Perhaps in your situation it isn’t anger, but depression or fear or jealously. What you focus on is what you get. Wouldn’t it be far more enjoyable to feel and focus on joy, happiness, fulfillment and love?
Mirrors are a good thing because they give us an opportunity to really observe what is going on in ourselves and take care of it. Unfortunately, one of the most common and ineffective ways in which we attempt to deal with jealousy is by trying to “control” our partner. Whatever illusions you may have as to who is to blame or who is at fault, the jealousy is within you, a mirror of what is going on inside you.
Attempting to manipulate and control your lover is a poor solution. Manipulation of your partner is an external attempt to “fix” an internal problem. Looking inward, you can use the situation that caused the jealousy to bubble up into your consciousness as an opportunity to clarify communication between the two of you, to better understand yourself and your partner.
The primary emotions I have discussed at this point have been sadness, resentment or anger. These all grow out of expectation. You are angry with your lover, you are sad because he or she has violated your expectations. Once you release the anger, the resentment and the hurt, once blame is removed from the equation, you can see that at the core of jealously is fear. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of not being worthy of love. All sorts of self-doubt can surface. You don't have enough money. Something is wrong with your body. You aren’t clever enough or exciting enough. You start projecting your own fears and low self-esteem on to another’s actions.
All of these fears have one thing in common; they tend to have more to do with illusion than with reality. They come from our past, from childhood, or perhaps from a prior bad relationship or relationships. If you are experiencing jealous feelings and you start looking deep inside at these feelings, you can begin to see how frequently they are not real, they are an illusion and that you are torturing yourself because of fear.
When you attempt to possess another person, you become yourself possessed. You become vulnerable. The stomach-churning pain of jealousy and fear of abandonment comes from that vulnerability. If you try to possess, if you have a preconceived, fixed belief about what a relationship should be, if you have a lover that you jealously attempt to control, what you are actually doing is blocking your ability to truly experience love. Out of fear you miss the opportunity that your relationship offers you to experience bliss. You are so controlled yourself that you are unable to allow yourself to be overwhelmed. And the ultimate experience of love and excitement can only reveal itself when you allow yourself to be overwhelmed.
If you love someone, go deep into your own unique experience of what that love is, and just let that be who you are. Surrender to it. Open your heart and mind to it. You do not need to experience jealously. You do not need to control another and you do not need to be afraid. You can choose to move away from those feelings. Hypnosis can help. You can be experiencing love itself deeper and deeper within its own fullness..
Linda Simmon C.Ht.
Seems it may help cement your bond with your partner if you write down your deepest thoughts about your relationship. In one study, couples who did so were more likely to be together months later compared to the couples who were told to just write about anything. The pairs who wrote about their relationships also had more positive things to say to each other.
Writing about your emotions can help produce clarity and calm, not just in your relationship, but in other aspects of your life as well. Write down your deepest thoughts about your career, your family, your pets, your dreams for the future -- anything. The simple act of focusing for a few minutes on those important things in your life may help you feel more enthusiastic or positive about them.
Even if journaling doesn't make your love life or your career the epitome of perfection, there are other very real health benefits. It can lower stress, lift depression, boost immunity, and cut down on trips to the doctor.
By Mehmet C. Oz, MD, and Michael F. Roizen, MD
Did you know there’s a bedroom habit that’s good for your blood pressure? No, we don’t mean that habit (though it may help, too). We mean the habit of getting a nice, deep sleep. Nothing feels more rejuvenating. And it turns out that getting enough good sleep (7 to 8 hours, night after night) is a key to keeping your blood pressure low (aim for 115/75). If you're barely getting 6 hours a night -- all lots of people manage -- just sleeping one more hour makes a big difference, because not getting that much increases your high blood pressure risk by a huge 37 percent. Why? When you don't get enough sleep, your nervous system goes into overdrive, boosting your stress hormones and throwing your whole body into high gear. Your pupils dilate, your heart rate speeds up, your digestion slows, and -- worse -- not only does your blood pressure spike but, over time, those stress hormones turn temporary spikes into permanent high blood pressure.
- How is your heart health?
Think you can make up for missed ZZZs by sleeping in on the weekends? If only. Like your mortgage, sleep debt isn't easy to pay off. People who get just 6 hours on week nights, then crash for 10 hours on both Saturdays and Sundays, still show strong signs of sleep deprivation. You don't just feel groggy. Chronic lack of sleep is linked to everything from inflammation and depression to, yep, obesity. Lack of shut-eye throws your appetite hormones into a gimme-more mode, and affects blood sugar levels in ways that up the odds of big weight gains. Go to bed early. Tonight.
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